Who is a debrief for?
A debrief, or listening service, is an appropriate tool for almost anyone who wishes to unpack their birth story in a way that feels safe and supported. It is beneficial to both the birthing person, partners and even those who have suffered vicarious trauma through working in the birthing space. I truly believe that every person should be offered a birth debrief as part of their postpartum journey, to reflect on their experiences and honour the huge transition that birth and motherhood brings. If you want to reflect on any of your feelings surrounding your birth, to recognise how they show up in your day to day and discover how you would like this to change, I can hold you through this.
Some of the most common reasons for attending a debrief are:
You are pregnant or trying to conceive following a previous traumatic birth experience and would like to enter your birth feeling calm and confident.
Feelings around your birth of sadness, grief, shame, guilt, discrimination, trauma or violation.
Feelings of numbness and disconnect to your birth.
You would like to feel acknowledged and validated in your experience.
You feel triggered by or avoid any discussion or reminders of birth.
You want to explore how you would like to feel if your thoughts and feelings surrounding birth were lifted.
You would like to better understand why what happened, happened.
You found a hospital provided birth debrief/reflection service retriggering, or unable to offer the acknowledgment and validation you were seeking.
Your birth was a joyful and empowering experience but it doesn’t feel safe to share these feelings with your circle in the way you would like to.
I truly believe that birth brings with it so many new feelings and experiences, both in body and mind, that it deserves a space to truly be heard, held and honoured for any and all feelings that come with it.
I would like to acknowledge that simply by being here and reading this, you have already taken a huge step by acknowledging that there are unresolved feelings around your birth, a birth you have experienced or the birth of somebody you love. This is a reminder to take a breath, to give yourself grace and compassion for all of the feelings that come up and how this can affect your day to day. I truly mean it when I say I hope you know how deserving you are of being supported through these feelings and I would be honoured to hold space for you to do so.
When is a debrief not appropriate?
A birth debrief may not be the appropriate service for you if you have complex mental health needs. It is also important to acknowledge that not all debrief services are equal and there are areas of birth trauma that I am not currently offering services for until I have completed further training. For this reason, I am not currently offering debrief services for infant loss or fertility issues. If this is something that you are experiencing or that is affecting you, please know that I am so incredibly sorry for your loss or your struggle. You deserve to find someone to hold you through this with care and love.
I am currently expanding my training to be able to offer support for these cases of birth trauma, however until then please take the time to find the right person for you. Being here is a sign of strength that you recognise a need for further support to navigate what is an impossible grief and I hope that you are able to find it.
I would also like to recognise that I may not be the right person for you and that this is ok too. As I learn more and more about birth trauma it is clear that there is a need for support for specific things that might be better led from a person with lived experience of some of these issues, such as racism and discrimination. I am doing the work myself to check my own biases and to better understand how these issues show up in the birthing space because it is important to me that this be an inclusive service. At the same time I can also acknowledge that for some people you may feel safer having your story held by someone who can relate to your lived experiences without a need for explanation, which can add work to an already difficult task.